What if???

When I started this blog I was going through some things. I felt lost, unhappy and that it was too late for me to do anything about it. It was the day that I walked into the bedroom and found my 3year old sons hanging on to the burglar bars encouraging each other to jump that I realised that the difference between myself and my sons was that they did not see impossibilities while I saw them everywhere. It’s not that we were built any differently it's just that they only know that something can't be done once they have tried it or I show them the flying fist of Judah lol.

I realised that day that my fear for failing was the one thing crippling me and I often found myself not trying certain things at all because I "thought" it was impossible or that I could not do it for one reason or the other. The I CAN in me had been replaced by the negative banter in my head that kept telling me “it can't be done” or listening to other people and buying into their negativity.

I have grown so much from that day and boy has it been a journey (worth a blog post lol). I am glad to say I finally feel I have found myself and realize the possibilities that are out there just waiting for me. It has taken this long to realise that the only impossibilities out there are those I make up in my own head when I entertain my negative talk saying "you will fail again, who will listen....” Deep down I know I can (that's why I have the ideas and thoughts in the first place) but I guess at some point I let that negative chatter take over and silence the I CAN.

It is not easy to shut that negative voice up BUT it is possible. All it takes to entertain that level of possibility where ANYTHING is possible is to not fear failure because even if you try and fail you lose nothing. Someone somewhere may be watching you and your determination and courage to get up and try again may allow them to go through some things. Give your dream a chance GO FOR IT it’s not too late.............

@makanakam

Our deepest fear............

I remember as a child how I could walk into a classroom and look around at the other kids and say “I will beat them all” (academically that is) and all the time with some effort on my part I came out tops (Power of the words I guess). When I turned 15 I got tired literally of being one of the so called “top students” because it was waay too much pressure, I was tired of competing all the time in my quest to stay on top, I felt i was taking myself too seriously and needed to take it easy , so you can all guess what happened .I remember how in Biology I jumped from being in 2^nd position to 36^th out of 40 LOL (true story).My marks were not bad, I passed but I just was not in that so called “excellent student” percentile and yes my parents threw a HUGE fit(which parent wouldn’t?), BUT here I am  today a force to be reckoned with in my own right.

Anyway in my self search I have come to realise that as much as competition is healthy it makes people fit in rather than stand out. What it does is direct all competitors to one goal which is the 1^st position. This means you are boxed in and made the same because instead of being different and thinking out of the box, you find yourself like everyone else trying to outdo the other person by changing what they are already doing slightly and in some cases you put more effort in what you are already doing so you get a better result which is not bad at all BUT traps you in the mediocrity circle/box.

If you look at it, the people who make it big in life are not the brightest or fasted. They are the ones who jump out of that box, they simply stray away from the cycle and need to compete and they dare to be different and what do you know?

We are all made to be different and we all have different purposes in life. In most cases we never discover or even entertain our stray thoughts because we are busy following the crowd or looking for space in the box.

Is it not time you take your place in the circle of life? Stand tall and dream big, there is and will always be only one of you, don't be afraid to think and act out of the box. It could be that one stray thought that could be your ticket to the BIG time.

@makanakam

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Measure of success

“Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal”

Some time back there was a call from an old school mate of the movers and shakers to have come from our school. A lot of names came up and so rightly deserving these spots but personally I was left a little bit depressed thinking to myself "ok so I am 33 and my achievements are nothing compared to others I went to school with". We were afforded the exact same opportunities at school, we ate the same food and all slept on the same bunk beds, so how come I am not a "success"(which according to world standards is how influential one is, how well known you are and how much money you have in your bank).

 What is success? Who defines it and what criteria do they use?

Success in my view is a measure of an individual's goals and expectations. If you are where you have always wanted to be, be it a doctor, minister, full time mum, teacher whatever it maybe then you deserve a round of applause because you are a mover and shaker in your territory according to the situation and circumstances you may have or are facing. If you are still working torwards a certain goal then soldier on, there is no elevator to success, you just have to take the stairs and take it one step at a time.

“A successful person is one who is constantly striving for growth and as they grow they are able to string together a series of successes”.

Your success no matter how insignificant it may be to the rest of the world is yours and no one can and will take it away from you.

Personally I am right there among the stars, i still have some work in progress but that does not take from what i have already achieved. I will get there someday .......

@makanakam

Who is REALLY in control?

Have you ever been so sure about something that it will work out in your favour, like you almost have a grasp of it and then...............................................it all crushes in front of your eyes and you don’t get it.

Well I just had a similar experience but it’s not totally over because the final decision has not been made yet BUT it seems the closer the D-day is the less of a grip I feel I have.

I won’t lie I am a bit on a down low because I needed this boost with the downward spiral I have been experiencing and all these raging questions in my head.

What I am realising though is that I have lost control of my life, of where I will go when and how because I have put it in someone else’s hands. This is probably what is adding to my frustrations because my life is cruising by and with each passing day at this pace I am just waiting on someone else to pull whichever string they feel they want to and that is not what and how it’s supposed to be.

It’s not that I do not have other things that I absolutely love and have total control of but at this point the things I have control of have a less weighing to those that I don’t and only Ican change that, which I will eventually. 

Are you in control? Why are you not in control? is it by choice or it’s just the circumstances? What is holding you back for taking control of your life?

@makanakam

How I lost my virginity

Losing your virginity has to be one of the most painful things to experience firstly cause you actually cross over to a point of no return cause you can’t undo it no matter what and it is actually painful the whole experience even traumatising for some.

I remember the day so so well and the time and how as I walked to my “destination” my heart was 

beating with a mixture of excitement and terror. As I walked I felt as though everyone knew what I 
was about to do because for some strange reason people seemed to be taking a keen interest in me that day, a greeting here a smile there and eyeball massages all over.

I remember being told to lay on the bed which looked all comfy complete with white sheets and the fluffiest pillow. It being my first time I kind of found myself laying on the bed fully fledged (shoes and all LOL) cause I just was not sure what exactly to do. As my person came towards me I closed my eyes cause I was told it makes it less scary and the pain less (not really if you ask me)

The warmth I felt on my eyelids made me smile as it felt so good but I was wondering what the hell it was, and was hoping it wasn’t a 50 shades kinda scenario about to unfold. What happened after that was completely unexpected because it was like rip, snap and yhoooooooooooo the pain eish it was of the worst kind and my eyes were tearing even though I was not really crying. 

It was all over in less than 10 minutes (but it felt longer than that).

I eventually opened my eyes and sat up kinda not believing that was “it” and I had lost my virginity 
for good. It was kinda not as bad as I thought cause I was emotionally ready and it was about time. I paid and left and well here I am.

                           

Is there really a difference? And why am I feeling itchy (oh noI hope I aint reacting to the wax) eish will let y’all know.